Rank Stupidity

Today’s Telegraph carries an extraordinary story (which must be true, because April Fool’s day is over a week away) about Bournemouth Borough Council, which has suspended 101 taxi drivers who refused to undergo a BTEC course in “Transporting Passengers By Taxi and Private Hire”.

The taxpayer-funded course requires, inter alia, that cabbies should learn how best to lift a suitcase (carry out a "risk assessment" by sizing up the shape of the load, the surrounding environment and their fitness level), how to greet passengers ("hello Mrs Smith, nice to see you again" or "good morning, how are you?" might be appropriate) and how to read body language (“body language”?). The recalcitrant drivers will be reinstated only if they complete the course and pass the exam within the next two months.

I like taxi drivers. I make a point of speaking to them whenever and wherever I am in a cab. They are invariably plain-speaking, sensible and forthright. They are also comprehensively endowed with common sense, which must in itself call into question the need for the qualification.

Speaking like a true cabbie, Frank Shaw, 67, who has driven a taxi in Bournemouth for 25 years, said:

"About 80 per cent of what you have to learn on this course is either completely ridiculous or just not relevant.

"I know how to greet a customer and lift a suitcase - I don't need a piece of paper to prove that.

"The council has always been happy to give me a licence in the past and I have never had a complaint made against me."

I had thought of putting this story in Healthansafety Corner, but decided against it, because it actually transcends healthansafety, combining, as it does, standard healthansafety nannying (how to lift a suitcase) with the new element of otiose hectoring (how to say “hello” to people).

It is, consequently, an exciting development, and Bournemouth council are to be warmly congratulated on being at the forefront of a pioneering new phase in this quintessentially British industry.